


Saturn- Apology

by Rainydaysunrise



Series: Saturn one shots [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean winchester is, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, emotionally constipated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-03 19:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16332032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainydaysunrise/pseuds/Rainydaysunrise
Summary: "You really went all the way back there to make sure I wasn't a skinwalker? Really? You couldn't have told me where you were or what you were doing so I don't know, I don't think you're dead?! Because I don't want to lose you again. That's not fair.""Lose me again? When did you los-""Shut up, Dean."





	Saturn- Apology

**Author's Note:**

> kay, explanation time:
> 
> I'm not abandoning Saturn. By any means. It's been hard to write it, guessing where I started off so strong and then I couldn't make them move or really do anything. So there will likely be a time jump or something through the series. I might post them as separate chapters, I don't know. I haven't fully decided on anything. But I really love writing this and I'm so thankful for all the positive comments and kudos that you all have sent. I hope you all have a lovely day and enjoy them!
> 
> (I'll also post this note in the other's too.)

"Castiel. Look at me."

She kept her head down.

"Castiel."

"Cas."

"For fucks sake, Cas, look. at. me." 

She looked up, eyes blazing with fury as they met his. Anger swelled in her, threatening to break out in either bloodshed or shouting. 

Dean looked horrible. The last hunt having left him battered and exhausted. His green eyes were tired and lifeless, almost sad. 

But Castiel didn't care about that right now, or she did, but she was more angry than concerned.

"You really went all the way back there to make sure I wasn't a skinwalker? Really? You couldn't have told me where you were or what you were doing so I don't know, I don't think you're dead?! Because I don't want to lose you again. That's not fair." 

"Lose me again? When did you los-"

"Shut up, Dean." 

"No. I want to know. When did you lose me?"

"Really?" She said it so condescending that even her brain was telling her to stop.

But she couldn't,

she was livid.

"When the fuck do you think?! When you turned me away? Ignored me for weeks on end? Threw me out of the fucking door when Sam died?! Not to be mean, Dean. But that wasn't. My. Fault. I tried every goddamn thing I could and nothing worked. So do you know what I did?" 

She paused, taking a moment to wipe the tears spilling over.

"I left and I found myself in new york. As a homeless person. A fucking throw away. And all I wanted was you. I wanted you to tell me that everything would be alright and that maybe, just maybe, I could come home and we would be okay. But you never came. You left me alone and I died scared and hoping that maybe my death would be final this time. That I wouldn't have to face you again. And you know what?" 

She got close enough that she could see the fear in his eyes, the sweat and blood on his brow. She could smell him. 

"I wish that I would have stayed dead. Because maybe then, I wouldn't be such a burden on you."

Dean stood still, his eyes assessing her. He didn't know how to respond so he kept quiet. 

The anger in her eyes was beginning to fade and she couldn't make eye contact with him anymore. Not while she was crying herself. 

She was angry and goddamnit, she was sad. 

She was sad that this is what it had come to. 

She was sad that Dean was so emotionally constipated that he couldn't understand when people were upset with him. 

She just...was. 

"I'm sorry."

Startled, she almost looked up.

"I'm so sorry, Cas." His voice was hoarse, like he himself, was crying. 

"I didn't know." 

Castiel turned and ran to her room, the hallways blurring around the edges until finally burst through her door and slammed it shut.

Only when the frame met the door with a loud slam, did she finally allow herself to cry. 

And it was wasn't just a river.

It was flood.


End file.
